I have this division in my head between the writer self and the performer self. It's kind of a useful pattern with me; it validates my insecurities. If I am doing well as a performer, then I am "just a performer" who isn't a real writer. If I am doing well as a writer, then I am "just a writer" who isn't a good performer.
This week (July 7/8) I will be reading from my poetry, firmly in my writer mode. Of course, I'm wondering if I am a strong enough writer to match, or should bring some performance in as a crutch. See the silliness here? Invalidate and heap on pressure. Yuck. I go into these readings and performances sometimes with all this value attached to them, as somehow validating my worth, once and for all, and a writer, or performer, or whatever other hat I am wearing that day.
Steph said just have a good reading. I just need to calm down and be myself... Just relax and don't expect anything... Just enjoy the moment...
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