In a way, it was good that I severely injured my knee. I never had to worry about pursuing competition career in judo. I was a national champion, was offered a judo scholarship in Japan, and an invitation to train at Colorado Springs. But watching the ugliness leveled against transgender athletes makes me want to vomit. I don't know how "fair" it would be for me to compete against cisgender women--that is not my point.

What bothers me is the hatred. The debasement. I know from experience that high-level competition is very intense. People trash talk, use every advantage they can get. I dished out at least as much as I gave, I am sorry to say. But this is different--this is personal. I remember the crap leveled at Ednanci Silva... OMG... And I look at Fallon Fox right now in MMA, and wish her well. She has two good knees, she's competing, and trailblazing for all of us. But it can't be easy.

For now, my competitive career is over. Do I miss it? Of course! OMG, of course! I can point to my knee, at least, and not my gender, but would I have fought harder in rehab if I knew I had a future?

*shrug*